Negative- the test was negative. The results were however were irrelevant to a women who’s been in “that” condition a total of 7 times. There is absolutely no mistaking the symptoms.
So on the first day of our 8th year of marriage I take test #2- positive. See I told you- positive. There was no mistaking- this is really going to be my 8th time to be in “that” condition.
What are the odds?-
Less than 8 in 1,000 to be exact. (According to the Mirena pamphlet.)
I could buy 1,000 lotto tickets and none of them would be winners, but Ryan and I can bat eyes at each other and I can get lucky!
I really should take the time to blog about the day Bree and Blythe were conceived- it’s pretty comical- much like the rest of our lives. But, anyways on that day the nurse told me that Ryan was the biggest depositor she had seen in a long time and ALL of his swimmers were usable. –APARENTLY- something she doesn’t get to see very often. CLEARLY- this must still be the case since they seem to have bypassed the plastic thinga magigger in their way.
Subsequently, I took 10 more test all of which were positive. ***Note- The Equate brand pregnancy tests are very good at picking up the slightest traces of hcg.
Being in the state of shock I was in my weekend was flooded in tears and anticipation for Tuesday- the day my new blood work would be back.
It is over- I am no longer in “that” condition.
Perception- really is all that changed.
I am ready for #4?
Will it just be #4 or could it mean #4, #5, and #6?
God must really want me to have #4 if he knocked down the little plastic barricades.
Do I want #4 or do I want to wear a belt again? -I haven’t worn one since #1 & #2 came along.
Can my “dumb” cervix make it through #4? –I mean my incompetent cervix.
Can I raise #4?
Can I be faithful in prayer for #4?
Do I have what it takes to teach #4 to love Jesus?
Will I have what it takes to discipline consistently and gently?
I might actually have to drive a mini van…
Will Ryan and I be able to give #4 the opportunities they deserve?
What does God require of a mother of 4 little disciples?
Will #4 make my butt grow like #1, 2, and 3 did?
I just want a boob job and a tummy tuck- can they do that when they do my c-section?
I thought we were going to start doing mission trips as a family- I mean I wanted you to send us out God!!
Is this home my mission field? Or is that what cop-outs resort to? –“Oh my home is my mission.”
Maybe my mission is being a mother- maybe our children are your “chosen generation”…
Perception. Is that all that has changed or have our hearts changed, mine and Ryan’s?
I can’t help, but to think of all the ladies in the bible who prayed for children- Sarah, Hannah, Rachel and how I used to relate to them. How many doctors told me my endometriosis was too severe and I may have problems conceiving. Each of these biblical mothers desired children and in God’s time they were blessed and blessed abundantly.
Abundance- that is the God I serve, a God of abundance.
So what does that mean for our family? I don’t know- ask God. But, right now- we are a family of five (that still use bc) who worship a God of abundance.
3 comments:
glad to hear from you. with all you have experienced and endured the last few weeks, i'm sure it was a wonder where to start back.
a beautiful and thought-provoking post. perceptions and perspective can change so quickly, which makes me thankful our God is never changing. thanks for reminding me of His faithfulness.
What a roller coaster of emotions. I feel your pain--how hard it is to admit that you may not want/be ready/need to have another #. Thanks for sharing and for reflecting and for glorifying God's plan in everything whether it's as a family of 5 or 6 or 7.
What a beautiful post, Kristin. It's so comforting to know that whatever happens, it's just part of God's plan for us and it all happens in His time.
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